| By Nicholas Petreley |
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| February 12, 2003 12:00 AM EST |
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The multi-pronged nature of this campaign is another way one can tell this is a deliberate effort to promote open source. Having spent so much time on Slammer, I'll limit the list to recent marketing ploys and keep the descriptions as short as possible.
- In an effort to highlight the company's propensity for dirty tricks, Microsoft Network (MSN) deliberately sends a faulty style sheet to Opera browsers. There are a number of ways to show intent. Opera renders the default style sheet intended for Internet Explorer perfectly, so no custom style sheet is necessary. MSN also renders the page improperly on Opera even if you set Opera to identify itself as another browser, such as Internet Explorer or Mozilla. The programmers at Microsoft had to go out of their way to bypass the normal means of identifying a browser and determine whether users were accessing the site via Opera in order to make sure they get the bogus style sheet (see "MSN Breaks Opera" in Resources below).
- The first few iterations of a Windows CE-based model of BMW were so buggy that the car automatically braked without using brake lights, the transmission slipped, the phone worked intermittently, displays and settings intermittently switched to metric units on their own, and the engine often stalled when the fuel tank dropped to 1/3 full. And sometimes the whole system would simply fail (see "The Windows CE-based iDrive" in Resources below).
- Microsoft has been threatening elementary schools and government agencies with audits.
- Licensing 6.0. Need I say more?
The promotion for open source extends way beyond these examples, but I think they are enough to demonstrate that this campaign is both very real and very effective. Indeed, there have been so many recent stories about governments and high-profile companies switching to Linux and open source that one can see that this campaign is working beautifully.
The mastermind
Clearly, someone at Microsoft is orchestrating this and doing so with finesse. I believe I know not only who is responsible, but also that this person has a secret identity.
Here goes. The man behind the scenes is none other than Steve Ballmer. Ballmer has several characteristics that make him unique among Microsoft's leaders. He is friendly, funny, relaxed, enjoyable to be around and — most telling, since it is completely uncharacteristic of Microsoft — he is often honest. Indeed, he once said in front of a roomful of InfoWorld editors that OS/2 was better than Windows 95.
I suspect that Steve Ballmer not only knows that Linux is superior to Windows but that the open-source model is preferable to the ultra-protected intellectual-property model that Microsoft employs. Therefore, it makes sense that he is conducting a secret campaign to promote Linux and open source by pulling the strings of managers and programmers to make Microsoft as undesirable a choice as possible.
It takes extraordinary genius to pull this off without the rest of the company suspecting it, and that was my clue as to Steve Ballmer's secret identity. Please do not be misled by a joke I posted on VarLinux.org, my non-profit Web site, about Ballmer's identity (see "The false secret identity of Steve Ballmer" in Resources below). The only purpose that claim served was to get a laugh.
Consider the theme song below as my final piece of evidence. The song doesn't just describe Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates perfectly; it even details the core mission of their company, Microsoft. Most importantly, it identifies Steve Ballmer as "a genius," a title fitting for one who could orchestrate a marketing campaign such as the one I have identified above. The song also hints at a reason why Bill Gates has thus far failed to discover that Steve Ballmer is working contrary to the company's mission.
If my guess is right, then Steve Ballmer is an alias, and the person we know as Steve Ballmer is known elsewhere as "The Brain." In addition, his companion, Bill Gates, otherwise known as "Pinky," handpicked Steve. And now, the evidence:
They're Pinky and The Brain
Yes, Pinky and The Brain
One is a genius
The other's insane.
They're laboratory mice
Their genes have been spliced
They're dinky
They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain.Before each night is done
Their plan will be unfurled
By the dawning of the sun
They'll take over the world.
They're Pinky and The Brain
Yes, Pinky and The Brain
Their twilight campaign
Is easy to explain.
To prove their mousey worth
They'll overthrow the Earth
They're dinky
They're Pinky and The Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain
Narf!
Coincidence? You decide.
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