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LinuX-Mas caroling we shall go

'Tis the season to be folly with these technology-themed Christmas carols

(LinuxWorld) — The depressed IT economy may not have made us rich in dollars, but the events of the past year or two have certainly been rich with the kind of material that makes one want to sing Christmas songs with joy. I've prepared this year's round of IT Christmas carols with these events in mind. So gather 'round a warm monitor (or you can find a picture of one and post it on your chilly flat screen LCD display), raise your voices and sing...

SUBHEAD2: Microsoft is Coming To Town (To the tune of Santa Claus is Coming To Town)

You better watch out
You better not cry,
"I don't know where all my licenses lie!"
Microsoft is coming to town

You paid for it list,
You paid for it twice;
You paid even more for legal advice.
Microsoft is coming to town

They know when you run Windows
They know when you use Word
They treat a loyal customer
Like a lying, thieving turd.

With auditing threats
In letters that come
Their lawyers will have you reaching for Tums
Microsoft is coming to town

Bill's desperate now
There's no time to play
He's casting dot-Net to drag in your pay
Microsoft is coming to town

They offer a solution
When you are left in tears
Just sign here on the bottom line
And subscribe for fifty years!

Oh, you should have watched out
Gave Linux a try
Now licensing six is bleeding you dry
Microsoft is coming to town
Microsoft is coming to town!

SUBHEAD2: Silent Bells (To the tune of Silver Bells)

We got laid off, hit the sidewalks
Dressed in interview style,
In the air there's a feeling so listless.

No one's offering, people scoffing,
Walking mile after mile,
Then you wait by the phone just to hear:

Silent bells! Silent bells!
It's jobless time, such a pity.
Ring-a-ling, won't you ring?
You'll take whatever they pay.

Dim the hall lights, use the street lights,
Gotta save all our green
We've run out of all our unemployment.

It's the big crunch, we've a good hunch
That our 401K
Will be empty by early next year.

Silent bells! Silent Bells!
It's jobless time, such a pity.
Ring-a-ling, won't you ring?
We may be homeless today.

SUBHEAD2: They're Beginning to Lock Out All Your Freedoms (To the tune of It's Beginning to look a lot like Christmas)

They're beginning to lock out all your freedoms
No matter how you moan;
You'll have to pay five and ten, for listening once again
To songs you already own;
It's beginning to look a lot like Russia
Or 1984
What a frightening sight to see, a recording company
Can knock down your front door.

Some encryption that bloops and software that snoops
Is the wish of Disney's top men;
Dolls that never talk and you never use chalk,
Every word is copywritten!
And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for the revolution to begin.

It's beginning to look a lot like prison
Ev'rywhere you go;
There's a camera on the Hotel, one in the park as well,
There's nothing they don't know.
They're beginning to lock out all your freedoms
Soon the bills will start,
And the thing that will make you pay, is the coming and fateful day
When they copyright your heart.

And finally, on a positive note, we wrap up this year's festive songs with a chorus of Free Ride...

SUBHEAD2: Slay Ride (To the tune of Sleigh Ride)

Don't hear that cash drawer jingling,
Ring ting tingling tee
Come on, it's time we better
Put a network together that's free.

Outside our stock is falling
And friends are calling 'boo hoo,'
Come on, it's time we'd better
Put some software together that's GNU.

Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up, let's go
Our money can grow,
When Linux puts a lid on TCO.
Set it up, set it up, set it up, it's grand
We're now in command,
We're gliding along with the source
And we finally took our stand.

Our checkbook's nice and rosy
And comfy cozy are we
We finally got it together
With a network that's better and free.

We took that road before us
And sang a chorus of GNU,
'Cause Billy's "Road Ahead-us"
Made us far into "Debt-us" and blue.

Don't hear that cash drawer jingling,
Ring ting tingling tee
Come on, it's time we'd better
Put a network together that's free.

Outside our stock is falling
And friends are calling 'boo hoo,'
Come on, it's time we better
Put some software together that's GNU.

We're so much better now that we're all together with GNU!

More Stories By Nicholas Petreley

Nicholas Petreley is a computer consultant and author in Asheville, NC.

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