Welcome!

Linux Containers Authors: Liz McMillan, Zakia Bouachraoui, Elizabeth White, Pat Romanski, Stefana Muller

Related Topics: Linux Containers

Linux Containers: Article

Monty Python Meets Darl McBride

Monty Python Meets Darl McBride

SCO's Verbal Argument

(a judge takes his seat)

Judge: Good Morning.

SCO Lawyer: Good Morning, your honor!

Judge: Ah, thank you.

SCO Lawyer: What can I do for you, sir?

Judge: Well, I called this hearing to hear your reasons why you are suing IBM. More specifically, to hear what kind of evidence you have against IBM.

SCO Lawyer: Ah, evidence!

Judge: In a nutshell, yes. So I thought to myself "a bit of verbal argument from SCO might do this case good and shed some light on what this is all about."

SCO Lawyer: Come again?

Judge: I want to know about the code.

SCO Lawyer: Oh, I thought you were complaining about Mr. McBride's open letters!

Judge: Oh, heaven forbid - I find those laced with humorous snippets of verbose prose!

SCO Lawyer: Sorry?

Judge: The letters are funny.

SCO Lawyer: So he can go on typing then, can he?

Judge: Most certainly! Now then, some evidence please, my good man.

SCO Lawyer: Certainly, sir. What would you like?

Judge: Well, eh, how about some SMP code violations?

SCO Lawyer: I'm afraid we couldn't actually find any, sir.

Judge: Oh, never mind, how about JFS?

SCO Lawyer: I'm afraid we won't have that till after discovery from IBM.

Judge: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout lawyer, let's see what you have about NUMA.

SCO Lawyer: Ah! It's still waiting on someone to put it on a cd, we were expecting it this morning.

Judge: It's not my lucky day, is it? Aah, RCU then?

SCO Lawyer: Sorry, sir.

Judge: Memory Allocation?

SCO Lawyer: Normally, sir, yes. Today the courier's van broke down.

Judge: Ah. USB?

SCO Lawyer: Sorry.

Judge: LPT ports drivers? Serial ports?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: Any evidence about IDE drivers?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: SCSI?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: SATA?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: Floating point emulation?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: Video drivers?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: Keyboard drivers? Vi, emacs, sendmail, x-windows, man pages, bash shell?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: "Tux Racer", perhaps?

SCO Lawyer: Ah! We have evidence for that, yessir.

Judge: (suprised) You do! Excellent.

SCO Lawyer: Yes sir. The media it's on tho, it's ...ah...it's a bit smudged up...

Judge: Oh, I don't mind a bit of a reading challenge.

SCO Lawyer: Well...It's very smudged, actually, sir.

Judge: No matter. Fetch hither the evidence of IBM's wrong doing!

SCO Lawyer: I ... think it's a bit more smudged than you'd like, sir.

Judge: I don't care how ****ing smudged it is. Hand it over will all speed.

SCO Lawyer: Ooooooooooohhhh...!

Judge: What now?

SCO Lawyer: The paralegal's eaten it.

Judge: Has he?

SCO Lawyer: She, sir.

(Pause)

Judge: Grep?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: Gzip?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: You... do have some evidence, don't you?

SCO Lawyer: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a lawsuit, sir. We've got...

Judge: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.

SCO Lawyer: Fair enough.

Judge: Uuuuuh, Gimp?

SCO Lawyer: Yes?

Judge: Ah, well, let's see the evidence on Gimp!

SCO Lawyer: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir. Mr. Gimp, that's my name.

(Pause)

Judge: KDE?

SCO Lawyer: Uh, not as such.

Judge: Uuh, GNOME?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: Ximian?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: OpenOffice?

SCO Lawyer: Not today, sir, no.

(Pause)

Judge: Aah, how about how you found your evidence then?

SCO Lawyer: Well, we weren't expecting to have to answer that.

Judge: Weren't expecting?... It's one of the single most important pieces of discovery!

SCO Lawyer: Not according to SCO, sir.

Judge: And just what is the most important piece, "according to SCO"?

SCO Lawyer: Our MIT analysts.

Judge: Is it?

SCO Lawyer: It's our number one piece of evidence, sir!

Judge: All right. Okay. 'Are they here today?' he asked, expecting the answer "no".

SCO Lawyer: I'll have a look, sir ... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.

Judge: It's not much of a lawsuit, is it?

SCO Lawyer: Finest money can buy!

Judge: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.

SCO Lawyer: Well, it's so full of legal jardon, sir!

Judge: It's certainly uncontaminated by the burden of evidence...

SCO Lawyer: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Pine, sir.

Judge: Would it be worth it?

SCO Lawyer: Could be....

Judge: Have you - (to McBride)SHUT THAT DAMN WORD PROCESSOR OFF!

SCO Lawyer: Told you sir....

Judge: (slowly) Have you any evidence that IBM misappropriated SCO UNIX code into the PINE e-mail program?

SCO Lawyer: No.

Judge: Figures. Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have posed the question in the first place. Tell me:

SCO Lawyer: Yes sir? Judge: (Deliberately) Have you in fact got any evidence against IBM at all?

SCO Lawyer: Yes, sir.

Judge: Really?

(Pause)

SCO Lawyer: No. Not really, sir.

Judge: You haven't.

SCO Lawyer: No sir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time, sir.

Judge: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to sentence you to death.

SCO Lawyer: Right-Oh, sir.

(The Baliff takes the SCO Lawyer out of the courtroom . A few minutes later, a distant scream can be heard while the lights in the courtroom dim momentarily)

Judge: What a senseless waste of human life.

 

(submitted as a post to Groklaw. Derived as a parody from Monty Python's 'Cheese Shop' sketch)

More Stories By Linux News Desk

SYS-CON's Linux News Desk gathers stories, analysis, and information from around the Linux world and synthesizes them into an easy to digest format for IT/IS managers and other business decision-makers.

Comments (3)

Share your thoughts on this story.

Add your comment
You must be signed in to add a comment. Sign-in | Register

In accordance with our Comment Policy, we encourage comments that are on topic, relevant and to-the-point. We will remove comments that include profanity, personal attacks, racial slurs, threats of violence, or other inappropriate material that violates our Terms and Conditions, and will block users who make repeated violations. We ask all readers to expect diversity of opinion and to treat one another with dignity and respect.


IoT & Smart Cities Stories
The Jevons Paradox suggests that when technological advances increase efficiency of a resource, it results in an overall increase in consumption. Writing on the increased use of coal as a result of technological improvements, 19th-century economist William Stanley Jevons found that these improvements led to the development of new ways to utilize coal. In his session at 19th Cloud Expo, Mark Thiele, Chief Strategy Officer for Apcera, compared the Jevons Paradox to modern-day enterprise IT, examin...
While the focus and objectives of IoT initiatives are many and diverse, they all share a few common attributes, and one of those is the network. Commonly, that network includes the Internet, over which there isn't any real control for performance and availability. Or is there? The current state of the art for Big Data analytics, as applied to network telemetry, offers new opportunities for improving and assuring operational integrity. In his session at @ThingsExpo, Jim Frey, Vice President of S...
Rodrigo Coutinho is part of OutSystems' founders' team and currently the Head of Product Design. He provides a cross-functional role where he supports Product Management in defining the positioning and direction of the Agile Platform, while at the same time promoting model-based development and new techniques to deliver applications in the cloud.
In his keynote at 18th Cloud Expo, Andrew Keys, Co-Founder of ConsenSys Enterprise, provided an overview of the evolution of the Internet and the Database and the future of their combination – the Blockchain. Andrew Keys is Co-Founder of ConsenSys Enterprise. He comes to ConsenSys Enterprise with capital markets, technology and entrepreneurial experience. Previously, he worked for UBS investment bank in equities analysis. Later, he was responsible for the creation and distribution of life settl...
@CloudEXPO and @ExpoDX, two of the most influential technology events in the world, have hosted hundreds of sponsors and exhibitors since our launch 10 years ago. @CloudEXPO and @ExpoDX New York and Silicon Valley provide a full year of face-to-face marketing opportunities for your company. Each sponsorship and exhibit package comes with pre and post-show marketing programs. By sponsoring and exhibiting in New York and Silicon Valley, you reach a full complement of decision makers and buyers in ...
There are many examples of disruption in consumer space – Uber disrupting the cab industry, Airbnb disrupting the hospitality industry and so on; but have you wondered who is disrupting support and operations? AISERA helps make businesses and customers successful by offering consumer-like user experience for support and operations. We have built the world’s first AI-driven IT / HR / Cloud / Customer Support and Operations solution.
LogRocket helps product teams develop better experiences for users by recording videos of user sessions with logs and network data. It identifies UX problems and reveals the root cause of every bug. LogRocket presents impactful errors on a website, and how to reproduce it. With LogRocket, users can replay problems.
Data Theorem is a leading provider of modern application security. Its core mission is to analyze and secure any modern application anytime, anywhere. The Data Theorem Analyzer Engine continuously scans APIs and mobile applications in search of security flaws and data privacy gaps. Data Theorem products help organizations build safer applications that maximize data security and brand protection. The company has detected more than 300 million application eavesdropping incidents and currently secu...
Rafay enables developers to automate the distribution, operations, cross-region scaling and lifecycle management of containerized microservices across public and private clouds, and service provider networks. Rafay's platform is built around foundational elements that together deliver an optimal abstraction layer across disparate infrastructure, making it easy for developers to scale and operate applications across any number of locations or regions. Consumed as a service, Rafay's platform elimi...
The Internet of Things is clearly many things: data collection and analytics, wearables, Smart Grids and Smart Cities, the Industrial Internet, and more. Cool platforms like Arduino, Raspberry Pi, Intel's Galileo and Edison, and a diverse world of sensors are making the IoT a great toy box for developers in all these areas. In this Power Panel at @ThingsExpo, moderated by Conference Chair Roger Strukhoff, panelists discussed what things are the most important, which will have the most profound e...